There have been approximately 247 licenses for same sex marriages given out in the US. While a gay or lesbian couple could not have been ceremoniously united until 1983 (in Denmark) or until 2004 in the United States, researchers have been looking at same sex relationships for decades. They point out that gays and lesbians argue over the same sort of things as heterosexual couples do. However, their conflict styles differ, their relationship success rates are higher and they have a myriad of issues specific to same sex couples. It’s no surprise, then, that a need would open up for counseling for civil marriages.

In some ways, a same sex marriage will suffer the same trials and tribulations as their heterosexual counterpart, as both will argue about finances, power struggles, household chores, child rearing, autonomy and intimacy. Also, a 2008 study by the American Psychological Association found that same sex couples are just as happy and committed in their romantic relationships as heterosexual couples.

However, researchers have also noted that civil marriages of gay and lesbian couples showcase different conflict styles. Same sex marriages researcher and author Esther Rosenblum found that “Same-sex couples tend to use effective arguing. They give each other a fair hearing, and their conflicts are brief and quickly forgotten. Heterosexual couples argue ineffectively. Their conflicts are more frustrating and don’t get solved for days.” She adds that gay and lesbian couples come from the same cultural backgrounds, which makes it easier for them to resolve conflicts. “When women argue, they tend to focus on the relationship, and when men argue, they tend to focus on logic and problem solving,” she explains.

No doubt, those in same sex marriages face a set of unique issues that heterosexual couples do not. For instance, gay unions are not normalized and therefore these couples may not feel the social pressure to stay together. These couples are already labeled “deviant” by the majority of society, whether they break up or remain together. They may also face public persecution or scrutiny from disapproving family members.

Technorati Tags: civil marriages, family marriage counselor, licensed professional counselors, marriage therapy, same sex marriages

Pre marriage counseling really does pay off, according to a four state survey of over 3,000 homes published by Scott Stanley in the Journal of Family Psychology (March, 2006). The survey found that couples who met with marriage family counselors were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce than couples who did not attend counseling. They were also more likely to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.

The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.

Research shows that money is the #1 thing new couples argue over, which can be addressed through pre marriage counseling. Marriage therapists say the major underlying source of financial conflict is lack of communication. Prior to getting married, you should identify your spending habits. Are you a “big spender” or a “big saver?” Sometimes, there is a communication breakdown as each side tries to win the power struggle. Additionally, there could be “The Done Deal” type who makes financial decisions like opening new credit cards or investing in a rental property without telling his/her spouse until it’s too late. Some people are also vulnerable to “keeping up with the Joneses,” buying out-of-budget cars, boats and gadgets, which drives more practical spouses up the wall. Holidays are another time when communication about spending tends to breakdown. Lastly, forgetting to tell a spouse about past debts can escalate into arguments galore.

Many pre marriage counseling sessions are more like educational courses, rather than therapy. The counselors are there to teach you ways to comfort your crabby partner after he or she has had “the worst day ever.” They’ll show you how to communicate your needs and wants without nagging, complaining or accusing. They’ll teach you how to overcome marriage-killer behavioral patterns like stone-walling, criticizing, defensiveness and contemptuousness. Before you say “I Do,” you can learn your personal conflict styles and recognize the relationship’s strengths and possible weaknesses, which will create better understanding in the long run.

Technorati Tags: christian marriage counseling, counseling for couples, family marriage counselor, licensed professional counselors, pre marriage counseling

Are you considering marriage counseling services but don’t know where to start? There are many types to choose from but the most sensible place to begin is generally couples marriage therapy, which will cover all the basics but can also refer you to abuse counselors or other counselors if need be. These programs are designed to be short-term and solution-focused towards an end goal. In most cases, just three months of weekly, one-hour sessions will clear up the root cause of your marital dissatisfaction or household tension.

For many middle-aged couples, the arguments revolve around finances, careers and kids. If you or your spouse have debt problems, are big spenders or argue over who wields the power of the purse, then perhaps credit counselors can help eradicate the source of your frustration. Often, when we’re strapped for cash, we begin to act out of character and we may begin to communicate poorly because we’re afraid to face the facts. Prioritizing becomes exceedingly difficult if you are living penny to penny.

Additionally, career counselors can sometimes offer counseling for marriage. There may be arguments over retiring, changing jobs, re-entering the workforce after child rearing or not making a stable income. Lastly, disagreements over child rearing can tear at the very fabric of a marital bond, leaving the children to become the unfortunate casualties of such squabbles. A specialized family marriage counselor can help readjust your attitudes and focus, thus arming you with better parenting skills and unified goals.

In some cases, marriage counseling services may begin with both partners committed to reforming, yet the marriage therapist may want one of the partners to seek additional assistance. Mental health counselors are specially trained to deal with severe depression, panic disorders, intermittent explosive anger disorders and low self esteem. All the couples counseling in the world may not be able to alter pre-existing patterns that a person has suffered with throughout his or her entire life. Medication, education and intense one-on-one therapy is the only way to help a marriage where one partner is in crisis. In other cases, a traumatic event such as rape, a traumatic accident or the death of a loved one may signify the need for grief counselors. We’re not always equipped with the tools to deal with everything life throws at us, so these highly trained licensed counselors can provide us with the strength and coping mechanisms to make it through this difficult time, with the support of a spouse.

Online marriage counseling services are available for those who don’t have the time or the gumption to go to actual sessions. The cost of online therapy with licensed counselors may be $2/minute, which is comparable to the cost of a normal session or they may charge a one-time fee for materials like quizzes, books and skill building presentations. You may be able to email licensed counselors, participate in video conferences or gain access to local resources. These treatments are not as effective as face-to-face counseling for a couple but are better than nothing, if time or money is limited.

Technorati Tags: career counselors, counseling for couples, counseling for marriage, credit counselors, family marriage counselor, fr, grief counselors, licensed counselors, licensed professional counselors, marriage counseling services, marriage therapists, mental health counselors

Family counselors can help heal the wounded psyche of both children and adults following a divorce, during a divorce or upon the brink of a divorce. While the split may seem inevitable, the communication skills and the conflict mediation skills from professional licensed counselors will be extremely valuable. Adults, caught up in their own melodrama, often lose sight of the impact their actions have on their children. Even though they may seem okay, the consequences of divorce are extremely damaging; not just in the short term but in the long term as well.

In general, a family counselor is skilled in an area of psychotherapy that helps parents and children interact, communicate, resolve conflicts, deal with emotions, understand one another better and forgive. Family therapy from licensed counselors can benefit families with marital problems, divorce, eating disorders, depression, substance abuse, work-related stress, credit problems, violence, parenting disagreements, grief or chronic health problems. Typically, families will attend weekly one-hour sessions with a family marriage counselor for a period of three to five months. However, if physical abuse, substance abuse or divorce is a factor, then the duration may be extended.

Family counselors have one goal and one goal only, and that is to bring family members closer together. Throughout several consecutive sessions, a family marriage counselor will examine each member’s problem solving skills, emotional capacity, role within the family, behavioral patterns and communication styles to see how each person may be helping or hindering the dysfunctional family unit. By understanding each other’s motivations, strengths and weaknesses, family members can learn to diffuse anger and form more peaceful, meaningful relationships.

Family counselors focus on relationship building more than diagnosing individual disorders or illnesses. If one of the family members is a substance abuser or physical abuser, then he or she may be sent to abuse counselors as well. Or, if the couples are feuding bitterly following a separation, then they may require divorce assistance on top of group family therapy. Sitting down together to resolve differences may not solve everything, but it is certainly a positive step toward ending destructive patterns that threaten to weaken your familial bonds.

Technorati Tags: family counselors, family marriage counselor, licensed counselors, licensed professional counselors, marriage family counselors